Posted by tampagirl70 on November 3, 2004, at 10:22:09
In reply to Re: Is it really important to be in love? » tampagirl70, posted by sunny10 on November 3, 2004, at 9:14:18
This is the first and only relationship I've been in longer than 6 months, so I'm not accustomed to the "hormonal" part wearing off and still being interested in the person. I have all of the things you mentioned with my husband -trust, respect, friendship and attraction. I just get worried to the point of obsession that I don't truly love him and I don't know how to find out for sure or prove that I do to myself. I get worried when I realize I haven't been very affectionate or I don't look at him and feel all mushy inside. All these things scare me and I've been through this thought process at least 5 times before. I think about all of this stuff all day long while I'm at work, then towards the end of the day I start to relax and my thoughts ease some. By the time I get home, I'm usually much calmer and feel relatively normal. I'll go to bed that night and wake up the next morning and start the cycle all over again. Its miserable.
> yes, I think the real question is "what is love?"
>
> I can't speak for you guys, but for me it is subjective because I KNOW I'm looking for stars in my eyes, rainbows, Prince Charming, et cetera... you know, the things that LOGICALLY do not exist. Most of the time, I can tell that if I AM feelings stars, rainbows, et cetera,it usually means that I am in one of my irrational phases and the relationship is PURELY "hormonal".
>
> I am TRYING for the "relationship built of trust, respect, friendship, and fun" right now. So far, he is great with all of it except the trust part, which he withholds from me to protect himself. (and he thinks that if he hurts my feelings, I might try to kill myself again- he knows my past; I have no secrets)Right now, though, those secrets he keeps are triggering my fear of abandonment, who knows where the relationship will go, but at least this time we are trying "an adult- non-"hormone only" relationship...
>
> I think that a lot of respect, trust, and friendship can work wonderfully with a copy of the Kama Sutra.....Then you get the hormone tweak, too !!
>
> -sunny10
poster:tampagirl70
thread:404036
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/411039.html