Posted by Anemone on July 12, 2011, at 15:59:21
Hi Everyone, I am sorry I haven't said much here, I try to, but don't know everyone and feel like I have not much helpful things to say. In real life I am shy and can't talk about myself, but very sad/mad right now, will explode soon.
A month ago my T said, "If you could've opened your online store, you would've done it already."
I didn't realize how much it hurt until I went home. I felt like she was not respecting my efforts to do my best, at my pace. I promised myself I would not go back to see T until I open online store, so she would never underestimate me again.
So I worked too hard, caught bad flu, so couldn't work on store as much as expected. I was afraid if I waited for store to be launched, would not see her for another year.
After a month of being mad at her, I booked an appointment to repair the relationship, even though I still had no online store to prove her wrong.
At the appointment yesterday, I told her I was mad, and she admitted she shouldn't have said it but she was frustrated. She apologized. Then later in the session, she said some stuff to me 10x more hurtful, the kind of stuff my mother says to me but never expected to hear from T.
When I asked her to stop, she said she was trying to test me to see if I was capable of anger and saying NO to her. I told her to please don't say it again, but she insisted she had to test me.
I just let it go, because my T is a god and is always right. This morning I realized I still am very mad. Perhaps I should my kitchen knife in and stab her to "test" if she would get hurt. (won't actually do it, but appealing idea.)
Why should I pay money to go yell at stupid T? I have better things to do, yet am SAD + MAD. She has always been wonderful for past 2 years. But lately she talks a lot, not listening to me, and saying confusing hurtful things.
Now I don't know when I will go back again. I get busy with career, ignore her, but sad.
Anemone
poster:Anemone
thread:990829
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/990829.html