Posted by Wittgensteinz on December 9, 2008, at 16:11:36
In reply to Dissociation and me As I see it (triggers-maybe), posted by rskontos on December 8, 2008, at 16:53:31
Rsk,
Thank you for sharing this. I found it fascinating and heart warming.
Since you described the first meeting with your new pdoc/analyst, I thought "this is a keeper" - and in this reflection of your work so far, he certainly sounds like a gifted analyst - and you a dedicated, brave patient. I really hope you are able one day to trust him to that new level required to work through your past, so that you can live in the way you want and do the things that are rightly yours to do.
To me, DID is something fascinating but something that lies under an air of mystery. I can see why it must be a very difficult thing to come to understand and to accept. How to explain to others in a way that they won't perceive you differently? It made me warm to read how insightful your T has become in understanding where you stand and what you are ready for; that he no longer (for the most part) triggers you by saying the wrong thing or being too outlandish. You really deserve the best, sweet Rsk :) (((hugs)))
I like the way you distinguish between those sessions where you 'babble' and those where you dive in and tell something that in a way lets him get that little bit closer to you. I sometimes feel disillusioned with the number of sessions I just babble, but maybe without all the in between babble, those difficult 'deep' sessions wouldn't occur. I think in a way the babble is just as meaningful and purposeful as the other type of session. I'm sorry you've suffered so much with it the last days - it sounds hard.
How did it feel to realise that he got you in the ways you described?
I've recently started studying again. Like yours, my T put a lot of emphasis on the worth of doing this. It was one of the things he was quite (very?) firm on, and I was rather resistant, although it was my plan - the idea scared me, I didn't feel I was ready, but now I am studying again, it's really helping me. Mentally I seem to be healthier. Of course we are in different situations but it could be a very positive thing and worth the risk.
I think you need to try and trust in the process of therapy, to let it happen, and I truly believe in time you will learn to trust your T to be that 'good parent' that you sadly never had - it will happen gradually - you're already on that journey and I guess you see that. It's great that your T recognises your progress and that you do too in the improvements you see in the frequency and length of your dissociative episodes.
It makes me sad that you go through this alone without the support/knowledge of your family. That must place a heavy burden on you. I hope if/when the day comes when you and they are ready to share this, that they can be there for you and help you get through this.
Thanks again for sharing this with us.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:867558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867753.html