Posted by B2chica on December 9, 2008, at 12:07:23
In reply to Re: Dissociation and me As I see it (triggers-mayb » B2chica, posted by rskontos on December 9, 2008, at 11:36:02
Hi sweets!
i'm glad your T is onboard and understands well about not disclosing all to DH.
and honestly some people just don't deal well "with all the information".
Me, the more i know the better i can cope. but i dont think my Dh is like that either.about your daughter, of course kids want us to be happy, they love us and hate to see us sad. but i dont know how old your DD is, if shes old enough to understand, let her know that its ok for you to feel happy about some things (like her) and sad about others at the same time. and that sometimes the toughest times bring us the Greatest joys in the end. (you remember that too k?)
about CC, what's so weird and unreal at the same time is SO releaving to me.
with littleone i know i talk differently (i've even tried to imitate her to see if i'm faking...ya i know, weird. but i cant do it)
And this T is so great that she discovered what my 'states' were. i was aware but docs kept thinking they were manic behavior or depressive and meds weren't working on them and there weren't patterened like normal BP. And with last T i was SO dissociative that i would 'fog out', heck i saw him for one year 2-3 times a week and i can remember about a months worth of discussions. i remember once i was feeling so weird and he thought i was getting worse depression cuz of session so i waited in a second room next to his, when he came in to check on me i was sitting on the floor against the wall knees curled up. (i recognize now it was probably littleones' first showing to anyone outside that i couldn't control) i remember trying not to talk cuz i "didn't want him to see me". lo talking.BUT i guess my point of this babble is that NOW that i'm with a T who see's them AND accepts and dare say loves them. she works with them, lets them talk. i know littleone pretends to know a lot when she doesn't, but now trusts T so when T uses a word she doens't understand she asks. She doen'st think i'm a freak, or that i'm faking or that i can 'control' this. or 'just stop it'.
and now i'm almost exclusively only switch during sessions.and YES that utter feeling of helplessness at times when you can't control what you're doing or saying, that's NOT YOU.
i know RSK.
i understand. maybe not exactly, but i do understand.
it isn't us, but it is. we have to first accept them before we can let them go.
my T talked about 'integration' once or twice, but my parts felt, well they freaked out a bit. so it's off the table for right now.
She thinks there will be a time when i will no longer need them. but i disagree. i think i've been so used to them being around.i think they protect me. i think i am able to function in this crazy world as well as i do BECAUSE i can dissociate. and although at times its, oh lets say inconvienient to say the least. i think now that i have a release for them, that they can talk about their experiences and can get help that they can survive with me.and YoU TOO will get there.
hang in there, you are doing SO well this year!
it WILL get easier, it will get better. and you'll be stronger for it kiddo.ly
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:867558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867717.html