Posted by ElaineM on December 8, 2006, at 21:53:16
In reply to Re: sharing details IRL » ElaineM, posted by ClearSkies on December 8, 2006, at 5:14:30
Thanks CS. I'll have to read the S.E. board more.
>>What are other people doing to improve their self esteem?
Someone recently told me that I have to not give up on hoping, and not think of myself as a different species from everyone else - because of stuff that happens or the past (or my health).
>>>I have disclosed a lot about myself here. Quite a long time ago, and on many boards. If it looks like I don't share very much now, it's only because I don't want to bring everything up again
Yes - I haven't gone through the archives so I guess I don't know how much others have said, or how explicit. I guess I've just never been so effected by sharing details IRL before. As long as I could read it off paper, I've never really thought too much about it. :"( Though maybe sharing about past, and sharing about now-stuff, is always different.
>>>>but I feel that I'd alienated myself in trying to share.
I think a version of thats going on with me right now (not T's reaction, which is a different story).
>>>>>When I have tried talking to my family, there has been varying shades of rejection and denial. So no go there. No surprise, either, because they've been along side me all my life and have had no appreciation for what I've been through.
I'm sorry your family hasn't been able to empathize. Me too:(
>>>>It makes me feel lonely; it makes me feel that babble really is the right place for me to share my stuff at. At least my friends here can have compassion for me.
(((CS))) hugs for you when you're lonely Clearskies. I do think babble feels safer than real-life. I wish I could see all your faces when you talk :(
I've been trying to tell someone a little of what's going on but I type it out and delete it. I think i did it maybe 15 times in 24hours. I can't do it. I try and can't :(
I've been deciding if I should use my last resort. I want to write my old T. THe woman. I need her help. I need her. someone. But I don't want to force her, and don't want her to hate me (or ruin any kind opinion she could maybe have had of me when we parted), and don't want to hear if she doesn't have the time right now. That would be devastating. i'm reaching bottom though. i don't know what else to do. Maybe I just need to seperate from the world for awhile - I don't know. Really don't know.
Thankyou for telling me about sharing your stuff. I never think anyone cares. sorry if I'm a downer. so bad right now.
blove El
poster:ElaineM
thread:711037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/711740.html