Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 8, 2006, at 23:27:42
In reply to Re: fought today » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by ElaineM on December 8, 2006, at 22:32:06
no Elaine,
I don't think anyone would ever think you're stupid. you are really smart, and you knew that he was not quite kosher way back when you posted your very first post.I think you've come a long way. Now when you hear him say something sketchy you actually understand it automatically. You have lost some of your filters that were distorting the way you react with the world. That's a good thing, because sometimes we have filters that protect us at first, but eventually end up blinding us.
I'm glad that you're able to see him more and more often for who he is, and what he's doing for your mental health and stability.
I'm sorry that you have a conflict with someone right now. It hurts when there is a fight or a misunderstanding with someone we care about. I hope you don't lose sight of the fact that you have more than one friend in the world. There are a lot of people who care about you. If you did something you regret, you have the opportunity to apologize, and hopefully learn how your actions affected your friend. A lot of friendships suffer from this stuff, but when it's resolved, you may find that your relationship is deeper, more substantial.
I know you're hurting and wondering whether all the mistakes you've ever made somehow "negate" the goodness that we see in you. It's not that simple. The Elaine that I know is a person with many dimensions. Maybe some part of you is capable of hurting someone else. I don't think it's a BIG part of who you are, because I've never seen your vengeance on babble. I'm glad to hear that you're getting in touch with your anger, though. Having angry feelings for your T, and being able to express them sounds like a really positive step for you. When will you be able to ask your pdoc for a recommendation for a new T?
(sorry, thought i'd sneak that in... I'm a sneaky lurpsie)
I'm being so hard on you. I'm sorry. I'm just really really grumpy and not so good tonight. I have been a real b*tch on Administration, and I know that my general tone is much more abrupt and curt than usual. It's not you, though. Mostly it's this feeling of too much responsibility and too little support. trying to move mountains, you know?
and I found a mousie in my place yesterday. poor mousie, probably just wanted a cup of hot cocoa, cause it's so cold out :(
(((mousie)))
((((((((Elaine)))))))))
don't delete anymore. I can read it. really. [klonopin, yknow?]
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieBlossom
thread:711037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/711773.html