Posted by cricket on July 18, 2005, at 11:07:02
In reply to Re: Parts coming out in therapy, posted by kerria on July 17, 2005, at 18:13:54
> Hi Cricket,
>
> The last days since i saw T on Thursday i've been convincing myself that seeing T has been a mistake. i think that he's too negative in his method of therapy and my self esteem is too bad to endure listening to the way he talks to me. It borders on abusive.
> Maybe i just see it that way- i thought of that also but in reality i'm not getting any better and i'm in a dangerous place when i see T because i feel so hopeless and terrible about myself. It isn't even safe.Seeing my T makes me feel worse about myself too. Since it happens to both of us and we don't have the same T, could it be something about our separation and how we are rather than how our Ts treat us?
Believe me I'm not making any excuses for your T and some of the things you describe sound awful, but I don't want you to lose all your support, even if it's very rocky.
Terminating with a T (especially one that you've been seeing for 5 years) should never be taken lightly.
Kerria, every single day I want to terminate. Every single day I think I just can't go back there and face him one more time. Every single day I think he hates me. I can't understand why he doesn't puke at the sight of me. But I haven't made that phone call yet.
> There's never been any kind of real relationship at all. T is always an uncaring stranger and i don't think i can ever talk to him about issues that i need to. He's too critical and too negative to trust. i'm negative about myself too so it's not a good balance.
> What do i do now? He refuses to refer me to anyone else and it's so hard to find a T. If i can find another T i don't want the new T to see me the same way T does.I don't understand that. Have you actually asked for a referral? I fantasize about my T referring me a lot but I've never asked for one.
> problem- there is no new T. i'm getting ahead of myself. i can't see myself going to my T anymore though. It's over.
> i don't know what to do about the appts coming up. i already wrote to T that i didn't want to come. He didn't answer - i don't know how it stands, whether he scheduled someone else or not. i should make an appt to talk to him but it's so painful. it hurts so much becuse T is the only one in the world that knows all my parts. i wish that he didn't have to be so uncaring to make therapy impossible.
>
Please call him. Insist that he address the reasons why he is being so negative.
I feel so much that we're in the same boat, if you promise to try and stick it out a little bit, I will promise too.> Cricket, i'm sorry that you feel isolated- i know how lonely it feels. i'm glad it helps to write here. Have you been coming here for a long time?
>
I tried coming here about a year ago but I was in the midst of such a traumatic transference that I couldn't even post much. I've been here for a few months now. It's sometimes hard to hear about the wonderful relationships that others have with their Ts but it doesn't outweigh the support and acceptance that I feel here.
> Take care,
> kerria
poster:cricket
thread:527396
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050716/msgs/529490.html