Posted by cricket on July 15, 2005, at 11:42:25
In reply to Re: Parts coming out in therapy, posted by kerria on July 15, 2005, at 1:14:45
> T said that there were two reasons why i'm so separated - either that i'm doing something that i shouldn't be doing (i wanted to hide it from my self) or because of not wanting to remember things from the past- if i start dissolving the different parts them it would leak through. T's trying to get me to talk about past stuff .
>
Kerria, It's hard for me to comment objectively because I don't have enough of the knowledge and background (although many others here do and perhaps they can jump in) to say whether what your therapist is doing is common practice or thought with clients like us. I can only say what my therapist does and how it does or doesn't work for me.My therapist says that I am separated for very good reason. It was the only way I could survive and furthermore there is nothing so horrible about it. He never says that I am separated because I did something wrong. That seems very strange to me.
I also have never gotten to my past in therapy, although my therapist knows the general situation. He really doesn't know any details. Just tiny bits and pieces. That's really all I know too. We quite literally have not discussed my childhood in years.
The one great thing about my therapist is that he always says that I am in complete control. I discuss what I want and don't have to go near anything I don't want to talk about. For someone whose life has been one of coercion that's really important.
> It felt so icky that T accuses me of doing something wrong . Your right, no one is perfect- but it's free game to tear me apart even more by saying that. T is not supportive or caring and i hate when he reminds me by saying things like that. It hurts a lot. i spent so much time crying and losing time after the session yesterday afternoon. i struggled to leave work early at 2:30 - i had a difficult day working face to face with the person from church- it reminded me of my separateness, it was so difficult for me all day.
> The i rushed like crazy to come home and change to speed to therapy in the heat, my car overheating and i had to put water in it.
>
I often feel like my therapist is not caring either. But I am beginning to own up to the fact that a lot of that may be projection on my part. If I don't care about myself (and I certainly don't) it's hard to imagine that anyone else could possibly care. If our therapists are the only people in the whole world who knows us even in a limited way, it is so hard to be objective about them.> All to feel like this, lonely and attacked. Why is T so negative? i need to trust T but how can i when he speaks so negatively about me.
I wish that weren't so.
> i'm doing the best- really better than i can do and he always insinuates that i'm not. That i deserve all the bad things that happen to me because of things i do.
>
I can tell from your posts that you are doing the best that you can. I felt like my therapist was berating me in this way a while back too. I told him directly "Don't be hard on me. It doesn't work." I had an old post out there about this. Perhaps you can find it.
Maybe you can say something similar to your T.
> There's nothing like having people hate you for doing things that you can't help doing. T wouldn't say he hates me but he may as well- he acts so uncaring and unsupportive and negative. It makes me want to do worse- to just give up trying anymore.
> There's no reward in the way T wants me to go. Eliminate the seperateness , work together with parts- it's impossible - so uncomfortable and sad not to be seperate parts. T doesn't care if i feel s. He always reminds me that i can't go to his hospital (where he works). T will actually say things like that just to hurt me.
> It's horrible.
>
> It's so hard to find another T though because of a lot of reasons but mostly because i'm so separated. It's so hard to take when people write how nice their T is.
> i don't think that i can go to t. anymore. It makes me feel too s. i wrote to T and told him that i need to find more support before i go back again. It's too impossibly hard and dangerous for me to go. Then my family is so angry with me because i'm "so self-absorbed and _____fill in the blank , any negative thing will do) "
> Thank you for listening.
> Take care,
> kerria
It's so hard to tell whether your therapist is right for you or not. How long have you been with him? I know that even after three years I still go back and forth on this same issue. Sometimes when there are so many parts listening in with their own opinions and ideas it's so hard for us to hear anything objectively.Kerria, I'm always here to listen.
poster:cricket
thread:527396
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/528016.html