Posted by cricket on July 15, 2005, at 15:34:45
In reply to Re: Parts coming out in therapy, posted by kerria on July 15, 2005, at 13:29:54
> Hi Cricket,
> i've been with T for five years, ever since i found out that i had DID after becoming upset in classes after going back to school.
> My T works at a hospital all day with patients that have DD . i think that he always sees things from the point of view that the hospital sees it. They are so many rules to protect the rights of therapists and staff that the patient is like the 'enemy' there. It's a horrible place. i don't agree with the model they use there . It's only good for persons that don't have serious problems communicating internally. It's based upon communication and i'm not there yet. When i was in that hospital i had an old school dr who put me in seclusion for the greater part of 30 days. It was torture because my parts had nothing to ground to, no one to be. i was a 'bad' patient from the hospital's view. They did a good job. My T still agrees. i hate that about T.
>
The hospital sounds horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My T has threatened me with hospitalization a couple of times, but I've never gone.> My T never will chose my needs over the way he knows. i'm stuck with it because it's financially too hard to find a therapist who will bill my insurance- which pays 70 %.
> It's too hard to pay upfront because my h is not supportive.
>
Yeah, I know about that. My husband doesn't even know that I see a therapist. I guess I'm lucky enough to be able to pay my own bills but debt is mounting.
> i wish my T would throw away the stuff that he is doing and help me. It's really a life or death struggle i'm in and he knows it and i think he thinks that i'm not going to make it.
>
I wish he would too. I'm hoping for you.> Often i feel suicidal after seeing him . Once i asked how many patients haven't made it and he became so defensive. i need to stop seeing him but i need to find another T . Ts don't want to wait for insurances but i can't work enough to make a steady and large enough income. disability has been denying me for five years. A hearing is coming up . i need disability.
>
For the first few years that I saw my T, I was cutting much more than I had ever been. I'm not sure why but looking back on it perhaps it was the first sign of progress. I was getting attention, all of us, and it was really more than we could stand and I wanted to skin myself alive so no one would ever look at me again.
Could it be the same with you? Do you have any idea why are you more suicidal?
Also with me, my T tries to plant hope, I think, and that makes me both angry and ashamed because I think I am really hopeless and worthless. Could it be something like that?
> i wish T would change the way he is- it's horribly abusive by any standards. it causes so much psych trauma and doesn't help at all. A T can say hard things if he's been caring but T says them all the time without ever being caring or supportive. i wrote to tell T i can't come until i can feel support from somewhere first and he ignored me.
>
I think it is good that you wrote. You deserve an explanation, a phone call.> Everything is so hard. i wish there were some way to get help.
> thanks for being there, Cricket.
> kerria
I'm glad I was here. Sometimes I don't sign on for a few days, depending on what's happening with my own issues but I will look out for your posts.
poster:cricket
thread:527396
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/528134.html