Posted by daisym on July 27, 2004, at 2:14:01
I think I've written here about the "experiment" we are trying in therapy. The basic idea is that I'm supposed to call him whenever I want/need to, even if I "just" feel sad and lonely. He wants me to see what happens if I just cave into the need to touch base.
The first few weeks of this experiment, I only called once, which resulted in an extra session. But this weekend was a disaster, too much work, too much kid stress and a fight with hubby that sent me over the top. So I called him on Friday (work stress), left a late message Saturday and ended up talking to him for an hour on Sunday afternoon (he called back).
Today during my session, he was THRILLED, and said he thought the "experiment" was "working" and we should keep the agreement in place. I said that I felt horrible about being so intrusive and needy. I also voiced my opinion that I thought the experiment was to mentally allow me to reach out so that I didn't actually do it. He laughed at me! And then said, "no, no, no. it really was OK that we had so much contact this weekend. I think you needed me and that is what I want you to get comfortable with."
And then he wanted to know how I felt about missing sessions this week (I'm away from home). I said it made me sad and a little nervous because I've been so stressed out. He offered a phone session, in the evening but I told him maybe the time away would be good for me. Kind of like a "do I really need this much therapy" test. Man! He did not like that. He basically said, "This is not what we are working on. I don't think you should force this "test", it only adds more stress that you don't need." I told him how conflicted I felt and he let me struggle for a while about all this. Ultimately he said, "I'd like to have a phone session with you. I think we agree that you do better when we check in a lot." So I caved and agreed. We spent the rest of the session on trust and need and accessing support. I talked about self-soothing skills and he said, "you've been doing that your whole life. It's not a bad thing, I just don't think it is the only thing. Sometimes the best way to soothe is to let someone else help you."
I left feeling put together and on the drive down here, thought about the session and wondered why, if it makes me feel so much better, do I still fight this so much? I don't know what I'm trying to prove, except maybe that I can "do it myself," but I can't, so???? This is so frustrating sometimes. I guess that is why he keeps coming back to this, my "core" issues -- needing and trusting. They don't make medications for this, I don't think.
poster:daisym
thread:371026
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/371026.html