Posted by rs on August 1, 2004, at 10:29:54
In reply to The Experiment Continues, posted by daisym on July 27, 2004, at 2:14:01
Hi Daisy. One part may be trigerring. As usually and like others have said your postings are so good and supportive. I would like to share about my T and support.
First of all when I started to see him and I did call it would take like hours to call back and a few times no call. Well I had to express what I needed and after time he understood that I will need this support. He returned calls right after a session. Anyway a few weeks ago I called and he did not retun call. When a I went to session a copule of days later he apologized and replied "I spaced calling." Anyway reactions from all over and hurt. I was to leave and he convinced me to stay. I did but still was hurt etc. Finally he looked at me and shared something personal about what happened. It was a lost of a client. Well this hurt again that I did not belong there etc. I walked out. I emailed hime and also talked to my old T about this. He was supportive and said my T trusted me to share this and that he did it because he cares for me. What I am trying to say is that I now will not call due to not wanting to be rejected again. I know when think about it in a clear way and no inside intruding I am wrong. But it hurts when I get rejected. It still hurts hearing he spaced me out. Just the other day he said he shared because he cares for me.
I have a wonderful Therapist who will see that he is there for me as much as possible but I have a hard time to accept that and really reach out. I am a difficult client with much to work on. Right now in life I need some extra support and feel wrong about it. I go twice a week and he did offer for a third visit but cannot do that. I metioned that I am looking into a in intense program for DID because I am running from reality and finding out about myself. The memories and really exposing the real me hurts. My T honeslty is not for this program because he feels that I will not be able to trust etc. He is correct but I do not know what to do. I work ft and do everything at home. I cry much in session and leave there in tears and pain. I am alone with all this right now and that is hard. I need help. More then I feel he can give me. Or is it that I feel he could reject me and could not handle that. The little ones would be hurt and I am not strong enough to help them right now.
Anyway I know this is long and thanks for reading. My typing is not the best. I hope that I did not go off the subject. Daisy please let your T help you and reach out. He cares for you much. Also my T has told me I could call him at home anytime. I could and would never do that. Thinking of you and hugs if ok
poster:rs
thread:371026
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/372853.html