Posted by LauraG on August 1, 2004, at 0:57:36
In reply to Re: The Experiment Continues » LauraG, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2004, at 23:55:17
Thank you all. I have been seeing her for over 2 years. I think my trust in her goes up and down, but is slowly increasing overall. You are right, I should talk to her about her holding back. It's hard b/c I know she turns that back onto me, "Why is it important to me? How do I feel towards her when she does that?" Experiencing my feelings towards her is hard, especially if they are negative. (Which reminds me, has NVDeb posted what happened when she revealed her feelings to her T? I'm VERY curious to find out!) I tend to not express my negative emotions toward anyone, but just hold them inside. We've discussed that I'm essentially using up so much energy holding in bad stuff that I'm just keeping myself flat emotionally. Sigh, I feel like I am still in the "discovery phase" of therapy.
And yes, there have been times she has said little things that made me feel that she really does care. It's hard for me to not think to myself that she has lots of clients who she cares about and among them I am not so significant. (self-esteem issue?) Of course, this makes me sad.
This has been such a confusing more than 2 years and at times I have felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster wrt my feelings toward my T. I keep feeling like I'm doing something wrong, like I should be further along by now. I know, progress depends on so many things, and we've discussed that too (although it may be time to bring it up again).
I'm so glad I found you guys for "outside" support so I know I'm not just losing my mind! I found you in a search for more info about attachment, I do feel very attached to her and I find myself hating that and wanting to not be. But I'm not giving up!
I look forward to posting more and reading more of all of your really insightful, honest, brilliant posts!!
poster:LauraG
thread:371026
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/372799.html