Posted by B2chica on June 18, 2004, at 10:48:09
In reply to Re: delayed breakdowns-back again » B2chica, posted by cubic_me on June 18, 2004, at 9:16:01
Cubic Me, it's good to hear from you. i've been thinking about you lately. hope you are doing ok?
Thank you very much for replying.I think getting myself up and moving around is the best thing. even if i'm just wandering around the house. if i stop i know i'll cut.
>> I really understand your desire to 'complete' the cut. I get that so often. I have a go at myself again and again because I haven't been able to cut deep enough or they weren't 'proper' cuts. It's hard to resist those urges to make it complete, but its something you've got to try your hardest to do.I'm SOOOO Glad you understand...i didn't know how else to explain it. It's SO Strong an urge...i don't even know that i completely understand, i just know what is in my head at that moment.
-i do think of the scarring quite often, that usually what keeps me with the smaller cuts, but it's like i have no control sometimes...sometimes it's like i want to cut clear to the bone...this is usually when i get scared and start to back off cuz the strenth of determination is so strong i sware i'll cut my arm or leg clear off.>>Have you tried using red marker pen or food coloring to look like blood?
Actually i have tried the food coloring and it does work to an extent but i think it's the tactile thing.
-however, i know that sometimes i will smear the blood over an area instead of letting it drip so making it look like i've cut more than i really did and that does seem to work. I like the idea of adding water to that mix, that will make it seem like more and maybe i'll stop quicker?
> I'm not advocating your or my cutting, but if you *have* to do it, like I have to sometimes, try to be as 'safe' as you can. Always use a clean blade and was out the cuts with sea salt water after if they are dirty. Cutting your wrists is very unlikely to kill you, but you can severely damage the nerves and tendons to your hands, so please be careful.i agree 100% i would NOT advocate this to anyone, it just feels like it's as addicting as drugs so if you've never done it DON'T START!
thank you so much for caring and the great advice. The one wierd thing is i do tend to take care of my cuts. it's really weird that one minute i want to shred myself and the next i'm like nurse 'able' and carefully taking care of my wounds.> I've used hanging as a method of SI, as well as in a suicide attempt, so I can really relate to that teetering feeling.
Wasn't that really scary CubicMe? I guess i only see that as a method of Suicide, I'm so sorry you went through that.
> I'm here if you need me.
And right back attcha, though i'm not real stable so hopefully i could say the right things.
I think i really do need you right now. If i stay away from sharp objects i'm ok, but i've even lately found myself looking at everyday things and thinking mmmm how sharp IS that? how deep do i think that would cut??
i mean literally looking around my office (which there are a LOT of things here) and even at home when i'm in the laundry room or the living room...i catch myself lurking for sharp objects.I think just talking with others that SI is a real help to me...to sort of calm me down and stops some urges by talking about them rather than doing them.
My next T appt is Tues. at 3 (cst). So this weekend will be interesting, trying to hang in there.
Thank you, More Than You Know Cubic ME.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:357559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/357781.html