Posted by ghost on June 17, 2004, at 14:33:46
In reply to delayed breakdowns***trigger***, posted by B2chica on June 17, 2004, at 12:55:33
B2c,
i'm sorry things are getting worse for you. i wish i had some magical words that would make it all better. i'll try not to ramble too much but there's stuff i want to reply to because what you said really touched me in many ways.
first of all, is there any possible way you can call your T and make an earlier appointment? tell him that some things have come up and you'd like him to see you sooner? i don't know if you're anything like me, but it's really hard for me to come out and say things on my mind, it's so much easier to answer questions. maybe if you could say something on the phone to lead him to believe he needs to ask you questions about this when you arrive....
i don't SI (by cutting, anyway), so i'm not sure where the line is drawn between injury and intent to go beyond that. it does sound to me like you're (even subconsciously) teetering that line, but i'm just an outsider who is still understanding this type of SI. (I understand why you do it, and i even think it helps sometimes, but i don't know when it's gone "too far.") your need to clean up sounds like a positive sign to me, though-- that you did what you needed to do, and you decided you'd done enough and needed to move on.
can you call your friend and just talk to him... maybe not about this specifically, but just to talk? sometimes hearing a familiar voice is enough to re-center yourself. if i had your number, i'd call you and you could tell me as much or as little as you wanted-- i'm sure your friend feels the same way.
i hope that you can talk to your T. i hope that you can do it SOON too rather than waiting, and rather than going to the hospital (which I hope you will entertain as an option if this doesn't improve, okay?).
i'm not sure i've ever experienced specifically what you're experiencing (the delayed breakdown), or maybe i have, but i'm just not realizing it... maybe i haven't been in therapy long enough. but i sympathise and understand what you're saying. i don't have any words of wisdom or stellar advice, but i would like it if you kept talking about it.
can you not SI today? do you think you could put it off and see how you feel tomorrow? i worry about your physical health as well as your emotional health when you SI enough to bleed for five minutes (espeically when you've done it in smaller amounts before). do you have any alternate ways you can blow off that steam?
and again, can you call your T?
much love,
ghost
poster:ghost
thread:357559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/357577.html