Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 19:18:54
In reply to Re: Don't You Dare .. Please! » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 18:36:43
i start to get cravings for hospital. i hate that. i hate to admit that. i just want. some validation that yeah things are not okay and i'm not doing okay and i need a little help and yes they are helping me they are going to help me and it is okay and i am going to get better. only hospital isn't even about that because they don't help you really they don't even f*cking talk to you or if they do is only to judge you. and i just miss having a t. i just miss having a t to talk to. i miss feeling cared about by someone who is trying to help me and who is helping me and who believes in me and who believes that i am getting better and i am going to be well. this is going to stop. the cycles aren't going to happen anymore. i'm not going to feel like this anyumore. but of course that isn't going to happen. and i have to be really careful to not go from there from all that to the point that there really isn't any hope for me. i don't know. i don't want to do this anymore. but there is nothing to be done. there isn't anyone for me to tal kto irl and i feel sad and... hopeless and i feel mad and then i get scared about feeling mad and then i start thinking all these bad thoughts about what i have to do to get taken seriously... and i know this is unhelpful this whole thing is unhelpful but who am i kidding i am not okay and nobody irl cares at all and nobody irl will help me at all will do anything at all and irl is full of sh*t anyway and i'm not doing so well susan. but things will be better tomorrowl - won't they? and worse the day after and so on and so forth and that is life. i don't like it susan. i don't like it at all. and i don't understand why i can't be normal. in the sense of not getting like this. not thinking these thoughts. i dno't know. time to go back to bed.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:600485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/601236.html