Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 18:36:43
In reply to Don't You Dare .. Please! » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on January 20, 2006, at 17:57:56
> I'm weary, too.
yeah. life can be really very hard sometimes. or mosttimes. or whatever.
> I go up and down, up and down, all day, every day. I constantly search for escape from reality; that which others see and I don't. Days go by when I don't understand what I'm doing here, and I feel a complete failure
yeah. me too.
> .. other times I have good days, days which have hope in them. I harbour the hope, a tiny flame inside my heart, that I might not be that which others see badly.
> So badly.
> Such a complete failure, at living a worthy life.(((((((((susan))))))))))
i think you are a good person.
i see that you hurt a lot. are in a lot of pain. i don't think that you are a bad person. but i don't know how to help you. and i don't know how to help myself.> Maybe we're not so good for each other, right now.
> Or maybe we need this..i think it helps to talk. it hurts. but it helps too.
> where are you, Alex my friend? Where are you?
> I need a voice, I need a phone, but not just any voice or any phone. No. I am so tired, so lonely and so sick at heart.i'm in the library which is closing in a couple minutes... i'll wander over to the comp lab... i don't have access to a phone right now. but we shall talk one day. after i'm moved i will get a phone. i promise you that. and we shall talk.. okay? so we have to stick around for that. both of us.
> What is the matter with me? Talk to me Alex, I need you right now. Really, and badly. Today was horrible, horrible. A night of self-recrimination, a morning of abject despair. The knowledge of my open stupidity, ignorance and disrespect .. but I so truly care about others .. tell me, how did I come to this pass? How? I want out.
i don't know. i don't know susan. but i think you are a good person and i hate to see you hurting.
please don't hate me for this... but are you on any meds? would / could they help? not a cure no but help a little. help with the extremes. the lows. i hate the lows susan. i'm so tired... so weary... i have to get out of the library now but i'll be back in a half hour or so... come babble to me if you are still around - okay???
poster:alexandra_k
thread:600485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/601222.html