Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 16:08:38
In reply to Re: hmm, posted by Susan47 on January 20, 2006, at 3:46:58
> Death isn't a hope, silly, it's an end. Remember?yeah. it is just that i think it is my only hope that the pain will ever end. that these cycles of i am okay - i am not okay will end. that i won't hurt any more. that i won't hurt others any more. the world is one f*cked up place. oh yes it is. and i don't think i want to play anymore susan. i'm weary. maybe i do need to take the f*cking pills.
> Sometimes I wonder what type of expectations you must be expected to live up to, and if it's that bringing you to this emotional wreckage of a place, over and over again Alex.
i don't think it is the expectations. i though my current state might be about lack of structure. i've been told i don't cope without structure. but i think thats in virtue of a dx that i apparantly don't have anymore so who the f*ck knows. but i thought it might be about the lack of structure. do better with something to be getting on with. some deadline to motivate me. but then if i remember back to when i did have structure. when i had obligations. classes. deadlines etc. well... sometimes i'd fall apart under the pressure. so i think i just spin along really. and although therapists used to get pissed off with me because i couldn't work out what triggered my episodes i can't figure it out. maybe it is just a time thing. just a time thing and every now and then this j ust happens to me. i'm so tired. i'm so sick of it. i don't know susan. i'm sorry.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:600485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/601144.html