Posted by Susan47 on January 20, 2006, at 17:57:56
In reply to Re: hmm » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 16:08:38
I'm weary, too. I go up and down, up and down, all day, every day. I constantly search for escape from reality; that which others see and I don't. Days go by when I don't understand what I'm doing here, and I feel a complete failure .. other times I have good days, days which have hope in them. I harbour the hope, a tiny flame inside my heart, that I might not be that which others see badly.
So badly.
Such a complete failure, at living a worthy life.
Why? Why? Why can't I see who I can be?
Maybe we're not so good for each other, right now.
Or maybe we need this.. where are you, Alex my friend? Where are you?
I need a voice, I need a phone, but not just any voice or any phone. No. I am so tired, so lonely and so sick at heart.
What is the matter with me? Talk to me Alex, I need you right now. Really, and badly. Today was horrible, horrible. A night of self-recrimination, a morning of abject despair. The knowledge of my open stupidity, ignorance and disrespect .. but I so truly care about others .. tell me, how did I come to this pass? How? I want out.
poster:Susan47
thread:600485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/601199.html