Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 3:02:45
In reply to Re: hmm » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on January 19, 2006, at 18:05:21
cracking up. i feel like i have been cracking up over the last couple weeks. i'd think 'things are really not going well' and then i'd think i got some insight or other and things were fine and then a little while later i'd kind of crash again. i think i am one of those people who doesn't do so well with no structure. and at the moment i have no structure. no place to go no place to be nothing that i have to do no reason. no f*cking reason. and so my head starts going and mostly... its incoherent and jumbled and even i can't understand what the hell i was trying to say later on.
i'm scared. i'm scared about moving. last year i managed... one hospitalisation of around one week. the year before... i don't know. maybe three or four. progress i suppose. but fact is this year if i need to go to hospital... they will deport me. or just let me stack up a bill i'll never be able to pay... or whatever. no hospitalisations for mental health for one year. end of story. don't even go there. but yeah. i'm scared. because there will be pressure. more than i've had in a while.
and medication. just this week i've been thinking abuot medication again. things are fairly bad when i start contemplating that one. and really very bad when i start taking it.
what the hell is up with me?
i don't know what i need to do...
i don't think i know anything anymore.
i don't even know what i wanted to know.
just keep thinking
'what is wrong? what is wrong? what is wrong with me?'
and i just want to curl up...
curl up
and disappear.
:-(
poster:alexandra_k
thread:600485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051205/msgs/600976.html