Posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2005, at 17:39:38
In reply to Re:, posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2005, at 17:01:09
and anger
yeah
do i get so f*cking mad sometimes
at all the things they said to me
that hurt me so very much
and how at the start i trusted them
i trusted their intentions
i trusted the things they said to me
they said about me
because they were the experts.and what they taught me...
they taught me to not trust myself
my own responses
my own reactions
my own motivations
my own intentions
because they knew better
and my thoughts
feelings
opinions
weren't worth sh*t to them
except to be used as ammunition
to beat me over the head with
when they saw that i wasn't improving
wasn't getting better
and what i don't understand is how the f*ck
anybody is supposed to be able to get better
when clinician's just seem to undermine
your perspective
so completely
so as to bash you over the head with itand is it different sometimes?
are other peoples clinicians really any different?
maybe its just about the public service...
maybe it is...
i suppose it has to get fairly demoralising working there
over time...
but i've had new ones
and you should have seen the ego on them.and i think...
maybe clinicians tend to be a little like politicians...
anybody who wants that power...
probably shouldn't have it.
and why do they want it in the first place?
maybe 'cause they are driven to know what is wrong with them...
maybe 'cause they are driven to know what is wrong with other people they have known...
in which case...
i guess they think they are 'better than' to start with.and i don't know...
medication prescribers...
how dare they judge
how dare they undermine another human beings perspective
you think you learn that by studying medicine?
you don't learn sh*t about thatpushers for the drug companies
prescribe n amount of this medication
and win yourself a car!
its clearly most ethical to prescribe this one
we give you free samples!
and you make your decisions on the findings we consent to publishthats not science
and money makes the world go around
and some people make a killing
literally
and other people are still hurting
(hurting more)
but what does that matter
when there is money in them hills
and when one gets the satisfaction of knowing
OTHER people are f*cked up
and as for oneself...
oneself is considered such a model
that one is given the power to lock other people up
to testify to whether they get jail or a mental institution
whether they get blame or sympathy
to decide...
whether the person should beat themself up or view themself sympatheticallyand it is a farce
it isand what sickens me...
is that is the best we can do.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:575153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051022/msgs/584288.html