Posted by jonquiljo on May 13, 2006, at 4:43:17
In reply to Re: Avoiding sex with my wife., posted by Estella on May 13, 2006, at 2:05:24
Psych meds, growing older, lots of things. Mostly complacency is the problem - its a deviation from the "animal chase." In the beginning, you court one another and sex becomes a very central part of your existence (at least in many couples). Times sets in, the chase becomes more tame.
Now fidelity, which you would expect would foster the expression of more love - does completely the opposite. When your partner fells your fidelity set in, he or she sits more comforatably. They don't feel compelled to compete for your attention anymore - after all, you are theirs faithfully. Then sex goes out the window.
This is just the beginning ... basically sex becomes a habit that is quickly unlearned. Very few people I have known would actually wander outside their marriage for sexual fullfillment - it just isn't why you got into a marraige in the first place. Its when your partner knows they have you is when their interest in sex can wane - and yes, the lazy habits set in as well.
Of course many people have other reasons. Like sometimes your partner does not want to enjoy life - and is basically hell bent in making that part of your problem too. What are you going to do? You're not going to leave - or even stray - the other person means too much to you - you actually do love them dearly. It is very dysfunctional - but thats the way it is. So you start strange hobbies or collecting Porsches - or whatever keeps you sooooo occupied that you don't really let that essential missing component of your life bother you any more than it has to.
I guess thats more information than is necessary - but I think you can get the idea. Isn't love grand?
poster:jonquiljo
thread:641864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060511/msgs/643376.html