Posted by pinkeye on July 17, 2005, at 17:28:30 [reposted on July 22, 2005, at 0:51:24 | original URL]
In reply to Addendum, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2005, at 14:37:46
Thanks for so much of caring and support. I feel much better today after a crappy day.
My husband apologizes profusely.. he says he recognizes what he did was wrong.. For sometime he was trying to blame me, that I was the cause of it, and that he was feeling hungry and I didn't feed him, but then I told him everymonth it is a different reason that he comes up with.. One month it is about me saying soemthing, the other month it is about me doing something he doesn't like.. etc. And I told him I am not going to take it one more time hereafter. That this is the last..I really don't have the courage to leave him.. I really don't. Plus he behaves well for the most part, and I am actually more complicated than him emotionally - with all my csa and depression and feelings about ex t etc.. And I don't think I can leave him and find someone else to marry me etc.. It is too hard, and I don't have the courage or guts.. And most likely, good men won't like me anyway either.
I am going to just stick it out. Hopefully he will come around and realize what he is doing and will stop..
I don't feel like telling my parents.. it will become really a big issue. My father is emotionally un controllable, so he will get mad and say something to my husband, and it will end up in a big fight once again between them. As it is, the terms between them is not that great. I don't want it to get spoiled further.. And besides, my father will totally turn me against my husband, and even if I get divorced and go back to my paretns, it will be an issue to deal with my father again for me. It will lead to further emotional complications for me..
So at this point, I don't really have anyone to go to. And I really need some emotional strength from a man to go on.. I can't live alone. Not for sex, but I just need someone strong enough to give me some emotional strength.. And my husband gives me that.
I know it is not what you guys have adviced me, but I am not really that courageous to find someone else.. And I doubt I can remarry and live happily..I am somewhat old fashioned also, for all that I talk. I think sometimes, I am not capable of sleeping with any other person other than my husband. And I think I would feel guilty to remarry even if I divorce.. It is all so complicated for me.. I don't know if any of you can understand..
poster:pinkeye
thread:531323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/531335.html