Posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 15:49:35
In reply to Re: Guilt guilt guilt, should I let it take me dow, posted by maggie1970 on June 24, 2005, at 11:02:09
I know what you mean about the need to be honest in counselling or therapy. Being less than honest isn’t in our best interests. And counsellors/therapists aren’t there to judge you; they’re there to help you. I don’t think any counsellor would think you did something wrong with your friend.
Yes, maybe you had feelings for him when he was still married. That isn’t a crime. It isn’t immoral. It’s the way we humans are designed. We look at people, we get to know them, and sometimes we develop feelings. The important thing is what we do about those feelings. You said you were never intimate with him while he was still with his wife, and I’m sure all right-thinking people would agree that you played by the rules, since you never acted on those feelings while he was still with his wife. Your feelings for him were not the cause of the lack of love and affection in his marriage. And if he knew how you felt, then that’s a good thing because it gave him some hope of happiness. From everything you said, his marriage was over years ago, before you ever met him. Meeting you must have been such a joy to him. Good for you, that you were able to give him some happiness.
It sounds to me as if you are somewhat afraid of the power of your feelings and your desires. It sounds rather like the way I thought of myself when I used to believe my feelings of attraction were perverted and immoral.
I’m worried when you say you are injuring yourself. Please stay safe. I really think you should find a counsellor or therapist as soon as possible. You don’t deserve all this suffering.
poster:Tamar
thread:517536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/518188.html