Posted by maggie1970 on June 23, 2005, at 15:20:04
In reply to Re: Guilt guilt guilt, should I let it take me down? » maggie1970, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 14:47:03
Tamar,
thank you so much. You couldn't have written better words to me. I was frightened to read at first, fearful of what it might say. I don't know where it all stems from, the guilt, the name calling in my head at myself. I feel when I go home and see my family that they are all looking down on me, but they're not. It's me who is looking down on me. No, we were not intimate before they decided to divorce. We were very close friends, never intimate, but I felt at times he felt more than a friend for me. Maybe because I was listening to him. Maybe I feel like I shouldn't have listened? Was it fair to listen to another woman's husband's troubles? Then when I felt he might feel something for me, did I end talking to him? No, I didn't. I remained a friend.
You are right. I know intellectually it was a loveless marriage, and she wouldn't want him back, he wouldn't go back regardless of whether or not I was here. Somehow my guilt, that's been something I've felt throughout my life for little things to bigger things that I've never let myself forgive myself for or forget, it just stays with me making sure I don't feel too good. If I do start to feel good, I seem to think of something bad, and the goodness goes away. I feel like I'm ruining what we have with this obsession about guilt. I wonder if there's some kind of counseling just for guilt? I tried making amends, a karma sort of thing, donations sort of thing. Guilt was still there. I loved what you wrote. I am going to read it again. (Maybe I need to read it once a day at least). Thanks so much.
poster:maggie1970
thread:517536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/517560.html