Posted by maggie1970 on June 24, 2005, at 11:02:09
In reply to Re: Guilt guilt guilt, should I let it take me dow » maggie1970, posted by Tamar on June 23, 2005, at 18:36:44
It's all true. It must be more than this. I've been very self-injurious over this, and I need to see someone. I was seeing a counselor but recently cancelled going. I didn't tell her the truth that we were friends and that we knew each other before they separated, because I felt like she would assume that I had something to do with it and she would judge me. You can't have a good counseling session when you can't be honest. Why couldn't I be honest as I've been here and tell her that we were friends first, and nothing romantic began until after? I guess because I felt that she would think I was a liar. I did not feel anything for him like that in the beginning but maybe it is true, that I did begin to have feelings for him. Okay, this must be it, because I am crying, and feeling tremendous guilt. Hitting the nail on the head. I am admitting finally I had feelings for him before they dissolved anything, and decided to divorce. I guess that makes me feel somehow that it makes it somehow my fault. A liar, and a cheater. I've always been cheated on by all my boyfriends all my life, and it hurts so much, and though we did not ever act on it, I guess I think we knew. He told me if we met a year after his divorce, how would things between us? Will this guilt ruin us? I can't answer that yet. It seems to be, because I am not only injuring myself, but I can tell I am sabotaging this love. I feel like I need to make amends somehow, to right the wrong. Maybe I need to find a counselor today. Thank you so much for writing. Just reading from you that any of you are telling me "it's okay" has made me feel a world better in one day. Thank you so much.
poster:maggie1970
thread:517536
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/518037.html