Posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2005, at 13:35:08
In reply to Re: it's probably just the men we attract, but » Larry Hoover, posted by sunny10 on May 23, 2005, at 13:12:54
> is it at all possible that your wife couldn't accomodate you with that time because no one was accomodating her needs? (tell me if I am being too nosy... I just know that I have a hard time "allowing things" for others that they do not provide for me in return- it's an equality thing, I guess...)
I don't think of it in terms of quid pro quo, although it might come down to that.
Really, it's an example of irreconcilable differences. There is no right answer.
I could not give her the immediacy she needed, without giving up something I needed.
She could not delay her need for my interaction, until I had unwound.
It doesn't matter how you look at it, we couldn't complete the transaction to our mutual satisfaction.
> And that's all I really meant with all of those other words.
>
> Is any one party in a relationship entitled to more "time for self" than any other party in a relationship?No. Emphatically no. It's not a question of more. It's one of enough. And that is what communication and accomodation are (hopefully) all about.
There may not be a way to make it work. That is nobody's fault. It just is.
> Although it sounds like I am in a lower income bracket than you, so it comes out as an actual "space" question for me, too...I've never had enough money for extra rooms... I've always been asked to give one up...
I went into marriage mortgage-free, with investments. I ended marriage as I am today, bankrupt.
There are other kinds of gender stereotypes. Ask the courts.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:500245
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/501746.html