Posted by Susan47 on May 9, 2005, at 12:42:37
In reply to Re: He wasn't just a Man, He was my Therapist! » Susan47, posted by 10derHeart on May 7, 2005, at 17:10:21
A book that segues really well, for me, from Deborah Lott's book is "Labyrinth Of Desire" by Rosemary Sullivan. This whole weekend was an Ah-hah experience. Wonderful.
But I have so much more to say, still. It's kind of frightening, to think if this therapist had been willing to hear, to really listen, that he could've really helped me, but in the end he served as a vehicle for me to help myself. And I know I would've found that vehicle, in any case, because I NEEDED to be obsessively in love with someone. But he shouldn't have exploited me, he's a therapist. And he did, thinking no one knew. Because I made a lot of telephone calls that were, had to be, seductive, considering what I said on them, considering the state of mind/body/soul I was in at the time. And he allowed it. He allowed it for a long time before he finally put the lid on it, months after I first had asked him to. Because I did, I asked him to put a lid on it. But he didn't. He didn't do that for a long time, and he didn't try at all aggressively, not one bit, to bring it up in therapy. I was always the one who brought up the phone calls .. making light of them. And he let me do that.
I was sick, but as a therapist, he was sicker. He didn't tell me my job was to be obsessively in love with him and his job was to help me get to the root of why that was. He tried to make himself the person worthy of my love. I a lot of ways. That man needed to be loved. He tried to tell me he's the same lovely person outside of therapy that he is in therapy. Well, we were discussing what a lovely person I thought he was, and how that's probably not really true, and what he said was that he's no different outside therapy, IRL, than he is in. It's him, he's the same person. He's just a nice, easygoing person, if I were to ask his friends that's pretty much what they'd say, that he's very easygoing. But he'd already displayed to me that that wasn't true.
And I can't even go into the details of that, without sounding strange, because the incident is almost too strange to be credible, but it is, in the range of human emotion and the way people punish each other, it's very credible.
poster:Susan47
thread:492110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/495561.html