Posted by corafree on November 3, 2004, at 23:39:46
In reply to Re: Just discovered my SI is using illegal drugs-HELP » corafree, posted by sunny10 on November 3, 2004, at 9:38:24
Yes, I am asking my T, not my awful P, a bit about it. She says 'no in love, no marriage, and also that reconsidering a relationship w/ a former drug abuser, thief, liar, especially one that is still court mandated, should be given a lot of time in order to see if those changes he says have occurred in him, are for real'.
I have no social worker. I worked a bit too long before life took its toll on my mental and physical stability, so am not entitled to 'free' state help.
My fear of abandonment is way out there. I do not like to be alone. Not sure why, as doesn't seem to run in my 'perfect fam' (who have abandoned me).
I feel I deserve a very honest and trustworthy man. I know I deserve one. But, waiting and being so lonely is so terrible.
I try to do all things as I should. I do see a therapist in dialectical behavioral therapy, a therapy for people whose emotions seem to run there lives. I do not have a chance to 'talk over' anything with any person, caseworker or therapist.
My caseworker, tells me things like 'it's your decision',
and the time spent w/ my T is max 10m per topic, as DBT is very structured on learning skills to handle emotions.
I am not allowed to see another therapist at the same time as seeing a therapist re: conflict of interest.
I need a man who doesn't focus on sex. It seems to have been drilled into my head that 'men only want me for sex' by my ex's. Even now, the father of my son calls and says I can lean on him IF, and another ex-husband did the same thing.
I only have one brother, and he, being a part of my fam of origin, has dis'd me.
My father, when alive, always had my back, and that made 'men relationships' easier to let come and go, always knowing there was a man who loved me, no matter what, neck up, all the time. I feel that is part of the reason my fam of origin has dis'd me, a bit of jealousy on all their parts.
Yes, of course I would research the negatives of being deeply involved w/ a felon, even if felony quashed.
My illness is PTSD, due to a lot of spousal and other relationship violence and abuse.
I grew up ignorant of things so horrible, so swallowed me up; a total lack of ability to know to handle.
Every day I feel I am one step closer to death. On the inside, as my father died, felt that I did also. Losing my father, my grief so high, no fam, children too busy for me, no one to talk w/ over coffee...ya' know, no friend, I become so confused, feeling like I will lose my mind if something good doesn't come to me through prayer and 'just because I do deserve it'.
Have to ask 'you-know-who' for time, a lot more time. He will be much more than upset!
Tks sunny 10 ... be well .. cf
> Thanks for the long explanation; it helps me "see" your point of view.
> Being dependent on SSD has its own set of ambivilant feelings without even HAVING the rest of the stuff going on, doesn't it?!?
> As far as what your fam of origin thinks, IMO I wouldn't pay much attention to people who "shut me out"- how can they be reacting to anything they "know" about you if they have already shut you out?
> Do you have a T to talk to about these issues? My biggest problem is someone else's trust issues, which, frankly would only be eased by HIM going to a T (!)and my fear of abandonment which all my T's have told me to "just get over it- you're an adult now". The problems YOU are mentioning here involve federal agencies, et cetera. The T can help you sort out what would be best for you.
> You mention a premarital agreement... do you know for sure that it would enable you to still receive your SSD? Make sure you check the www.state.(two letter state code).gov website for whatever concrete info you can find out about this. If the state assigned you to a social worker under SSD, try calling that person. It is a good sign that you are questioning all of this- believe it or not, it's a sign of being rational about your decision-making at this time; show them that! I say that not because I am a T or pdoc or anything, but just from personal experience.... Frankly, I go two ways about it.. 1) I just jump in and make rash decisions without thinking things all the way thru- using wishes and dreams to "make things turn out the way I want" (usually not even a distant relative to reality..sigh) or,
> 2) Ponder every aspect of every decision (obsessing, usually)until there are so many "options" that I am frozen by indecision. Although my fears (confrontation, abandonment, et cetera) freeze me up- I then have a bunch of options that someone can help me sort through to help me see the right ones.
>
> That's where I see you- am I even close???
>
> -sunny10
poster:corafree
thread:409148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/411396.html