Posted by corafree on November 1, 2004, at 21:36:43
In reply to Re: Just discovered my SI is using illegal drugs-HELP » dazedandconfused, posted by sunny10 on November 1, 2004, at 9:15:44
Sunny10
Think you really need to put your foot down.
I don't see how possible for you do what you need for you, w/ mistrust with him.
But, look at me, I'm so lonely (because I kick their rear-ends to the road when they pull this stuff.)
I am considering letting a man in recovery, proclaiming he is a changed man, back into my life, as I am critically $ depleted and overwhelmingly lonely.
He was court-ordered. He is 6+ months clean. But, he is still on probation, and still has to be drug-tested. But worry what may happen when he is not under the state's thumb?
When my father/best friend/mentor passed away in Feb., I lost some finances. He would help me financially, not a lot, now and then.
My mother and rest of fam' dis'd me after Dad died, just washed their hands of me.
The man I talk about above is the only person who will drop everything to come to me, help me by staying w/ me when I am having panic attacks or talking with me.
Could he really be changed?
I am praying for a financial and emotional partner. I just keep praying.
What does SI stand for?
(0> I wandered around town all day Sat.- realized that I couldn't sleep at the office anyway...
> Wound up at a friend's apt...she was at her weekend house(yeah, I know- must be nice, hunh?!).
>
> I wandered around all day Sun. after not really sleeping since Thurs. By Sun. eve I had to go home- I couldn't sleep in my car (they call that vagrancy here, which is against the law).
>
> He didn't deny it- he knew he was caught. He said he was really sorry that he had destroyed our trust that way, that he thought he was done with that stuff, that he really wanted a life with me and not a life with drugs- that he needed my support and my love.
>
> How do I believe him? He had promised not to ever do them around me, at the very least. He had told me when we went on vacation that he had never brought a woman to his favorite New Orleans hotel until me- he lied about that, too, I found out. He was just with someone there in May of 2002. I found the hotel paperwork in his things when I went looking for his stash to flush it down the toilet on Friday night when I found the CD case and couldn't sleep.
>
> I told him all of this- I'm not the one hiding things.
>
> He told me he'll do anything to win back my trust.
>
> I've been stupid with men every time. Every time I wind up with someone who hurts me. How do I trust him or myself? I felt so hurt by him, yet at the same time, so hurt by me- that I'd "messed up yet again", is there any chance I will ever NOT be stupid? I just wanted to die- literally.
>
> How do I "give him another chance"? Or me??
>
> How do I "love and support him; to help him stay away from the coke"? (Yes, it was coke- in OUR house !!!!!)
>
> Anything you can say will be helpful- I realize that this issue is, at this point, as much about ME and my fears, major depression, anxiety, et cetera as it is about him. That's why I'm not sure the Naranon would help me.
>
> Many thanks,
> sunny10
poster:corafree
thread:409148
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/410374.html