Posted by ron1953 on September 21, 2004, at 9:01:06
In reply to Re: Guilt and contributions in marriage, posted by saw on September 21, 2004, at 1:46:17
Since your husband isn't giving you a hard time about the housekeeping, the pressure and guilt are obviously yours. I'm not implying that your feelings aren't real or important. I like a clean house, too. My mom was a clean freak and I guess I took after her. My ex and I had the cleanest place of anybody we knew (except maybe my mom's), especially when our son was crawling, putting everything in his mouth, etc.. We weren't fanatics; didn't boil baby bottles or do separate laundry. We did what we thought was necessary. As we got older, we started to slack off a bit. Interestingly, so did my mom. After so many years, the "clean thing" started to get old. We didn't become slobs. We just let some things go a little longer. We found that a little extra dust buildup, not vacuuming or mopping as often, etc. wasn't such a big deal. Taking the pressure off was a great relief. Visitors still commented on how clean our place was.
I'm divorced and living by myself. I, too, can't "force" myself to do certain things. I can only do some things when I'm in the right mood, especially grocery shopping.
Now, here's a "trick" I learned that doesn't require a good mood or gobs of energy: As I move about the apartment (go to the bathroom, go to another room to get something, etc.), I simply pick something up and put it away while I'm at it. It's often just one thing; emptying the ashtray, putting a glass in the dishwasher, hanging up a piece of clothing, wiping off ONE surface, anything. You'd be surprised what an effect these little, tiny chores make. My place looks quite clean and tidy, although I'm aware of what's not spic 'n span. The big jobs can wait for one of my infrequent energy bursts. I actually had a small energy burst yesterday and cleaned the filthy glass on my sliding door and bedroom window (Luckily, that's all the glass I have). It just took a few minutes and now I have the pleasure of looking through clean windows at my apartment's courtyard. The next energy burst will come whenever, but I continue to do the little things as I move about. It's simple, easy and it works. It's amazing how much better my place looks compared to most of my friends' with the untidy clutter of newspapers, magazines, mail, all sorts of stuff. They don't like it either but it amazes me how they simply walk around it instead of grabbing something on their way to another room.
Hope this helps.
poster:ron1953
thread:393000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/393308.html