Posted by Racer on September 20, 2004, at 15:31:51
In reply to Re: Guilt and contributions in marriage » Racer, posted by AuntieMel on September 20, 2004, at 14:08:28
One of the other issues with the squalor around here is that I'm pretty much not leaving the house, and the disarray is really distressing to me. It bothers me a lot more than it bothers my husband.
I guess that's got a lot to do with it. I feel guilty in part because I think that I'd make myself feel better by cleaning this place up, so that I could have a clean nest, but then I still don't get it done. Then I get after myself because I'm "not making enough of an effort to get better", you know?
Then, after you parse that, add in the guilt about my lack of contribution, and the final factor: we've talked a lot in marriage counseling about how distressing the mess is to me, and my husband still won't help. (He spends much of the weekends lying on the sofa, 'not feeling well', which is probably true, but there are things he could do about that.) A lot of my guilt has to do with how much I resent him not doing anything, when he is working and supporting us.
OK, now that I've finished the thought, wanna offer more? (Or, PC, can you copy that 'understanding' and 'supportive' profile of your husband, so that I can install them on mine?)
Thanks for the input so far, though. I'm sorry to find that I've got company here in SqualorVille, but at least I'm in good company.
poster:Racer
thread:393000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/393058.html