Posted by saw on September 21, 2004, at 1:46:17
In reply to Re: Guilt and contributions in marriage, posted by Ilene on September 20, 2004, at 20:10:46
I am extremely houseproud and absolutely hate a dirty or untidy house. I sweep my kitchen floor 5 or 6 times an hour and practically clean the chrome off the taps, oh yes, dishes? SCREECH! I use 2 or 3 bottles of dishwashing a month and never ever let the dishes pile up. (And I don't have OCD :) )
Imagine my surprise, horror and absolute fascination when I simply couldn't perform the above duties. The kitchen floor became a sticky and crumby carpet. The taps tried to shine but toothpaste and food started visting and I moved the dishes to the garage. And then the guilt started because my husband does not know me like this. He does not contribute by sweeping or cleaning, but he does cook often. He loves to so there was never an issue. He has also supported me in the way that he has not criticized once that I have not been cleaning. In fact, I think he was a bit relieved that I stopped being so fussy and particular.
Though I feel guilty, I also often feel that I just couldn't be bothered. Since starting meds, I am able to perform much of these duties, but not like before. It's almost as if some of the pride has disappeared.
It confuses me so that the inability to do these things happens with depression, especially since it is things that "normal" people do without so much as a blink of an eyelid.
How do I get my husband to understand that my standards haven't dropped, but that I am rendered useless by this disease? How do I explain to him that I am not lazy, I am ill. And why is it necessary to feel guilty when it is not our fault?
I would much rather be in bed right now. With my dirty kitchen floor and guilt and not-always-understanding husband.
Sabrina
poster:saw
thread:393000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/393231.html