Posted by AuntieMel on September 20, 2004, at 16:47:57
In reply to Heheh, guess I forgot to mention..., posted by Racer on September 20, 2004, at 15:31:51
If disarray bothers you and doesn't bother him, I'm hard pressed to figure out any way to motivate him. I doubt if I'd be much help cleaning out the garage, either (geez I hate stereotypes)
I have a cleaner, too, but that's only once a week. The rest of the time is up to us.
Clutter is my nemesis. It confuses me to no end and I get frustrated before I start. Sometimes I just use the 'good enough' theory. If I have a huge pile of papers and old mail on the kitched counter I'll scoop it all up, throw away the junk and end up with a smaller, tidier pile. It looks a lot better to me - and the counter can be cleaned.
But that has nothing to do with relationships....
Back in the old days the tv "norm" was dad working and the only home chore he did was mow the lawn (they didn't have garbage on tv) Mom stayed home, the kids were at school (they didn't have summer break either) and kept a perfectly tidy and clean house while wearing a dress.
At home, Dad worked his tail off, looked like warmmed over dung when he came home, plopped in his chair and opened a beer. Mom cleaned up the most horrendous things that the kids brought in, while changing the youngest two and screaming at the older ones about slamming the door or something.
We were trained from the beginning that the tv family was the normal one. And we expected to grow up and have that family.
Then comes reality
The norm now is for both to work. The guys pay lip service to sharing of house duties, but research shows that they don't really do it. They just think they do, becaused they cleared the table or something.
If for some reason, the wife stayes home (illness, or fortune) it is *expected* that she now handle *all* the household stuff. Even if no one says she has to do it all, she feels guilt if she doesn't, knowing that anyone that sees it is thinking 'what does she do all day?'
Add in being sick - and a sickness that has guilt as a symptom?
AND...
I've got to run home to cook dinner. I'll finish this thought tomorrow.
poster:AuntieMel
thread:393000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/393071.html