Posted by fleeting flutterby on March 11, 2009, at 9:46:02
In reply to Negative transference, posted by wittgensteinz on March 11, 2009, at 7:24:10
>> Anyway, after 3 short sessions seeing him over 6 weeks I agreed to let him discuss my case with my therapist. My T later told me that they disagreed with my diagnosis. Basically the pdoc decided after those 3 sessions that I am an untreatable borderline and that he found my T 'heroic' but unrealistic for persisting with me in psychotherapy. It was his advice that I go into partial-hospitalisation. My T disagreed. He disagreed with the diagnosis - he'd never said I was borderline (he's said perhaps avoidant personality disorder) and didn't think I was a hopeless case and saw improvement but that I have big trust issues. I should say that pdoc has never said any of this to my face and perhaps doesn't know I know this from my T. So, as you can imagine, I feel a mix of feelings when I go to this pdoc knowing what he really thinks of me. I feel judged and silenced.>>
------ flutterby: Yes, I can really understand your "mixed" feelings. My question is-- Why would your T. tell you all these things? T.s are supposed to steer in helpful directions.... so is your T. trying to help you. in telling you these things about your pdoc? just something to ponder......
>> I go in yesterday but feel overwhelmed by anxiety. He feels just like my mother - I know it's my projection but I feel an extreme distrust toward him and feel terrified.<<----- flutterby: I think your feelings are TOTALLY appropriate considering what you've been told by your T.(IMO) and considering your angst with the relationship with your mother.
>> One time he said to me (2nd or 3rd appointment) "I have to be honest, you don't have a very good situation at all. The only positive thing in your life is that, at the moment, you are in a relationship". He really stressed 'at the moment'. At the time I thougth "well at lest he isn't overly optimistic..." but it seems he thinks my relationships are unstable.<<------ flutterby: Do you really know that that is what he was inferring? that you don't have stable relationships? could he have meant that at this moment your relationship is a positive thing- not that there won't be other positive things in the near future. so stressing "at the moment" could mean that situations change and other things could turn better for you later on... maybe that's what he meant?
>> He's prescribed me a new AD and will see me again in 4 weeks (which seems a long time if, for example, I have nasty side-effects).<<-----flutterby: heck girlfriend, if you have severe side effects get in before the 4 weeks! -- you are paying him, get the services you deserve to have. please don't let him be the sole driver in your quest for internal peace.
>>He refused to consider prescribing anything specifically for the anxiety, which leaves me in a difficult position. At least sweaty pdoc prescribed seroquel which would put me to sleep if I felt too bad.>>
------flutterby: I don't know what to say about this... other than, maybe if you had a better relationship with pdoc you might not even need anxiety meds??..... I don't know.....
>> The last time I saw him, back in December he said how he was proud of how well I was doing and how I was welcome to make an appointment at any point. Of course I didn't believe a word that he said (but that's just me) but when he ignored my e-mail I took that as a confirmation of my suspicions.<<----- flutterby: Seems to me you are assuming things here, absent of fact. Is your suspicion a fact?... something to think about.....(FYI-- I also do this, so I'm not judging you-- just trying to help. I very often believe my suspicions too)
>>My SO wants me to change to another pdoc but my overwhelming feeling, just like it has been with my mother, is to persist and prove him wrong - of course I'll probably never succeed and each time I go there I feel worse. This makes me feel so low and frustrated. My T seems to think that I should just not worry so much and just see this guy as someone to get meds from...<<
----flutterby: It's hard to know what is best to do...... should one quit and keep looking for that better fit or should one cope best they can and work on shrinking projections and learn to accept that some relationships are going to be very difficult. (I personally, would quit and search for someone else) Only you can know how you truly feel inside about it. It's a tough situation. I feel for you as I've been in similar places myself. It is oh so difficult.best regards,
flutterby-mandy ps.... having clear thinking today-- rarely can I read a post of this length and stay focused.... I like my clear thinking days! :o)
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:884840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884851.html