Posted by DAisym on February 9, 2009, at 23:12:59
In reply to Re: Developmental stages in therapy/daisym, posted by rskontos on February 8, 2009, at 20:26:10
rsk - Thanks for sharing what sounds like a really hard session. I think we all fear that we won't believed - because sometimes we don't believe ourselves. My therapist and I have a ritual after a separation of any kind - usually at the end of the first session back together I'll look him in the eye and ask, "did you forget?" And he will shake his head no and say, "how could I?" I tell him often that I don't want the stories I've told him to travel with him but I don't want him to forget either. Complicated, isn't it?
It is a huge risk to allow yourself to open to another person. But it is the risk that will allow healing. I've felt it - at its best it feels like a blanket straight from the dryer on a wet day - wrapped in warmth and sheltered from the rain. No doubt there are painful misses and disconnects - but to be seen and heard is such a relief.
The more we talk about this need to be special, the more I'm coming to see that it isn't *being* special that I really want - it is being good enough to be special - to be allowed to think of myself as worth being special to someone. I'm not explaining it well - it feels really complicated.
There have been other times here on Babble when someone has expressed a worry about my therapist being too available to me - too warm or too open - sets up all those transference feelings. There is truth in that. But I can't imagine doing this any other way - and I trust him to keep me safe and hold the boundaries the way they need to be held - even as I hate them.
You are very kind to say that I've helped you, btw. It is nice to hear. So often I feel like a big downer here and a thread killer. I have to remind myself that it is a function of living in the west so I'm often last to reply. (Nah, I'm not sensitive or anything.)
I hope you can risk the trust. Sounds like your therapist wants you to.
poster:DAisym
thread:878656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879177.html