Posted by DAisym on February 7, 2009, at 23:50:24
In reply to Re: Developmental stages in therapy » DAisym, posted by antigua3 on February 7, 2009, at 9:50:31
I think what I'm beginning to see is that the major fears I have - looking stupid, being made a fool of, not being perfect and being left come in to play at every developmental stage. The issue might be different - or the memory - but all the feelings are the same. So I guess this truly is going around and around the same stuff in different ways.
I think that going deeper does create new trust problems. It is impossible to not hold our therapists at least somewhat responsible for the pain - although I think they hurt too. I too, want to stamp my feet and say, "I was done with that."
I think I want to be special so my therapist won't abandon me. It isn't all that, but if I'm special, he won't just leave. And I think (I find myself sweating as I type this) that I might have some fantasy that if I can be special to someone as kind as my therapist, it will absolve me of my part in all the ugliness. My brain knows it is never the kid's fault. But somewhere deep inside me is a shame that remains undiminished - hidden very deep but like a cancer in remission - it is a ticking time bomb.
There's more but I have to stop writing now. But know always how much I appreciate your support. And never, ever feel like you haven't reached out. You always have. Babble is a lot like therapy - if you don't speak up people can't know you are hurting.
poster:DAisym
thread:878656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878844.html