Posted by rskontos on February 8, 2009, at 20:26:10
In reply to Re: Developmental stages in therapy » Sharon7, posted by DAisym on February 7, 2009, at 22:56:46
Daisym,
Something I did not share with you in my earlier post because I was still thinking about it is this. On Thursday during that rough session, I said my fears to my t about not being believed and then the fear of abandonment. Of me trusting him with things I don't even acknowledge to myself, that I don't think about or want to talk about, and of how trusting him to talk about it and then what if he left, if he got bored or left for other reasons. That at some point he might leave and what if I wasn't ready, and he replied that is a risk you have to take. At first, I thought it was callous and quite frankly rude. But after I got through that and really thought about it I made some startling revelations to myself about myself. He went on to talk about risks in life and relationships.
I realized just how much all that had happened had made me adjust how I lived. How I live the way I do because I can't trust anyone or won't.
And like Lucie said, the therapuetic relationship is one that we enter knowing its limitations and then I think we fight that.
I guess the thing that I was struck by in your post is your desire and perhaps fear or need to be special.
I guess I don't want to be special because of what that might mean. And how hard it might be to get past that if and when the end of therapy would come. Because I know it must come and then what if I wasn't ready for the specialness to end.
I know your pain is great. I have watched how you were when I first joined this site and how you sound now. You are getting into deep painful memories with the pain so much greater. And I guess the need for your t is so much greater and so the cycles continue. I wish I could help more as you have helped me so many other times in the past by telling me to be careful of flooding which did help. Or other times I would go in to my t and read to him things you posted to me that opened up good dialogue between us. So I wished I could ease your pain.
I get the sense though too if I had a T who had the type of warmth yours seems to have I might have more transference going on. Who knows. And then again, maybe it would have scared me off. You never really know.
I hope you feel better soon.
good luck
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:878656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878982.html