Posted by antigua3 on February 8, 2009, at 8:31:05
In reply to Re: Developmental stages in therapy » antigua3, posted by DAisym on February 7, 2009, at 23:50:24
That sounds reasonable to my, why you want to be special. The thing is, you are special, and everyone around you would agree--even your mother, who you have difficulty speaking up to when the little girl wants you to scream at her. At least, that's just my opinion, but you've shown all of us here that you're special and while we can't fill the gaping hole, we can be here for you.
The hard fact is that even if you could "prove" you're special to your T, to absolve yourself of some of your guilt and shame, you still have to believe it yourself. I get it though; it's just a different viewpoint for me to consider.
I'm always clamoring for justice; I want, and think I deserve, my fair share of attention, actually looking for attention I didn't get (why didn't they "see" what was going on, but my mother was so busy w/the others is how I've rationalized it.) So some great rage of injustice gets me going. Sometimes I think it's narcissistic, and perhaps that's true (it has been suggested), but it has to be magical in some way. They (my pdoc) has to see me this way, I can't point it out. That, of course, is ridiculous. They aren't mind read readers, although actually some times they are--my pdoc often sees things I don't see--but I don't believe him or want to give him credit for his observations.
It's about self worth for me; probably self esteem is mixed in there too. See, I felt like I've always been underestimated in my life, except by my husband, and I go overboard wanting to prove everyone wrong. It's exhausting, and you'd think by now I would have learned that it doesn't work...
take care Daisy,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:878656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878878.html