Posted by onceupon on September 29, 2008, at 13:34:55
In reply to I wish my state of mind were more stable, posted by Nadezda on September 28, 2008, at 22:59:52
> but instead it fluctuates all over the place and it's awfully hard to feel that I can be optimistic-- or can do things-- when from moment to moment, I fall into discouragement or anxiety pushes everything else away.
I hear you on this one.> Sometimes I feel as if it's the medication-- but I think I recall that I was more or less constantly shifting and unreliable even before that. So it's probably some condition of mine, though the medication.
Could be a little of both? The medication is perhaps amplifying or tweaking a response pattern that used to be more manageable?
> I was in a really good mood this afternoon-- and even though my work didn't go well in the literal sense, I felt excited and as if I was learning something. I had energy and could take more risks, rather than just following a kind of tired logic in the way I was thinking and seeing.
It feels really good to have that experience, doesn't it? And good for you for being able to notice it.> That doesn't happen too often. I really want it to. I was looking through an old book and found a note a wrote about thinking positive thoughts and doing things. I have no idea when I wrote it, but the other written things on the page were very old-- which made me think that I keep on having this idea and never following through with it.
>
> It's hard to stay with a commitment, especially to be optimistic, when your moods are so up and down and you're shaky for hours, and then maybe better for a while, or vice versa.I get this two steps forward, one back, or on bad days, one step forward, two back pattern. And I see how it can get so caught up with identity too. At least for me. When I'm depressed, I think that's all I'll ever be. I think I read something awhile ago too that said that people who are depressed have a negative memory bias, that is, they tend to remember events that confirm their negative feelings. I wonder if you (we) could keep a sort of positive events list or journal, as a counterbalance to the often negative stream of thoughts.
I know that this is probably not quite what you're talking about, since it sounds like physically, it's hard to maintain a sense of yourself as capable when you just feel out of it or shaky or whatever. But I've always been interested in how we construct our identities.
> My T is away for another week at least, which is unfortunate because I thought we were making progress before he left-- last week-- and who knows where I'll be by the time he gets back.
>
> NadezdaWhatever happens now does not negate any progress made previously. You have the capacity to make that same progress, and more, again. Where would you like to be by the time your therapist returns?
poster:onceupon
thread:854714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854785.html