Posted by Nadezda on September 28, 2008, at 22:59:52
but instead it fluctuates all over the place and it's awfully hard to feel that I can be optimistic-- or can do things-- when from moment to moment, I fall into discouragement or anxiety pushes everything else away.
Sometimes I feel as if it's the medication-- but I think I recall that I was more or less constantly shifting and unreliable even before that. So it's probably some condition of mine, though the medication.
I was in a really good mood this afternoon-- and even though my work didn't go well in the literal sense, I felt excited and as if I was learning something. I had energy and could take more risks, rather than just following a kind of tired logic in the way I was thinking and seeing.
That doesn't happen too often. I really want it to. I was looking through an old book and found a note a wrote about thinking positive thoughts and doing things. I have no idea when I wrote it, but the other written things on the page were very old-- which made me think that I keep on having this idea and never following through with it.
It's hard to stay with a commitment, especially to be optimistic, when your moods are so up and down and you're shaky for hours, and then maybe better for a while, or vice versa.
My T is away for another week at least, which is unfortunate because I thought we were making progress before he left-- last week-- and who knows where I'll be by the time he gets back.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:854714
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854714.html