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Re: I wish my state of mind were more stable » Dinah

Posted by Nadezda on September 29, 2008, at 11:32:21

In reply to Re: I wish my state of mind were more stable » Nadezda, posted by Dinah on September 29, 2008, at 7:33:35

You put your finger on it, Dinah. Continuity.

I feel as if life is a constantly turning lazy susan-- or one of those wheels of fortune, where, as the wheel slows, the pointer never quite makes it to the good part, and gets stuck in one or another versions of bad fortune. It seems as if it's going to get there-- but it doesn't.

You never know-- will today be okay, or will I be a case of nerves, will my mood last for another few hours, or will I fall into disillusionment and dread; if take a break for a few minutes, will I recover, or sink even more into anomie.

Maybe I am a rotating set of persons-- every once and a while, this brighter, freer spirit emerges and reproves every other spirit and mood-- and maybe it's that, more than anything, that makes the disability so unfair and the good present so elusive.

Nadezda


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