Posted by madeline on March 19, 2006, at 18:00:29
In reply to Re: Now the truth, albeit bitter, comes to me. » madeline, posted by fallsfall on March 19, 2006, at 9:17:55
Falls,
I am just really horribly hurt, confused and upset. His boundaries lecture really felt as though it was coming out of the blue. I was blindsided by it. Now, I don't know what to think about anything. It just did nothing but reinforce some of the serious doubts I had about therapy, my relationship with him and how I was feeling. I wasn't ready to face them and he brought them into high relief.
I want so much to believe him when he says he cares about me, that I am attractive, smart, and that we can go through whatever I need to go though together.
But, on the other hand, there is no "together". There is only me working with him in the room. I just can't trust that relationship and the love I feel for him because I think it is based on an illusion.
I do like the analogy "just because there is a net, doesn't mean that you aren't walking a tightrope." But I think that I am the only one up there right now.
It's lonely without that warmth I used to feel when I thought about therapy, and how nice it was to be close to someone, be understood and feel loved.
It was nice to trust that. But I don't know if I can anymore. There is a deep rift. It's going to be hard to hoist myself back to the top.
Thanks for your help,
Maddie
poster:madeline
thread:620748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/622188.html