Posted by milly on March 21, 2006, at 11:03:22
In reply to Re: Well, I go to my T in the morning. » milly, posted by madeline on March 21, 2006, at 7:24:04
> Things went quite well I think. I really did a lot of work before I went in today about what really bothered me about the "no sex" lecture. And it really wasn't about sex at all, it was about me being afraid, receiving what I thought was a confirmation of being afraid and reacting to it wildly.
** wierd how it can be about something completly different to what you think it is about isn't it! Well done for working so hard, exhausting I bet.> It all boiled down to initmacy (hence all the sex talk) and how unusual it was for me and how scary these new feelings of love are.
**Yep I know what you mean, sometimes being with my T feels as intimate as if we had sex even when we are nowhere near that subject
> When I told him that I decided (erroneously) that there was no love in therapy, he said without reservation or pause "that there was no therapy without love".
** I tried that too to protect myself from a)loving him and b) being told he didn't love me.
However it didn't stop me loving him and today I think he intimated how strongly he ffelt for me although i am hesitant to say 'love'> He went on to say that he differed early on from his analytical mentors that there should be absolute neutrality on the part of the analyst. "You have to engage and be there with the patient" he said.
** I'd agree that it works best that way if they are but this client consistently pushed him away and now realises (with only 2 sessions left) how much I wish I hadn't
> I am still very sad that I will never know my T the way he knows me and I will never ever know how much I mean to him, but I think it is a hurt I can deal with.
** No we probably won't (sob) but today i got a glimpse that we do 'mean' stuff to our T's. Mine said to me today how much he had enjoyed working with me (which mean't the earth to me)
> I came very very close to never loving anything in my whole life. Therapy has gone a long way in bringing me back from that brink.
** That makes me happy to read
> It's tough, but I think it will be worth the struggle - at least until I get freaked out again ;)
**Yep
> Thanks again to all babblers.
> So, about your visit....
poster:milly
thread:620748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/622867.html