Posted by annierose on February 15, 2006, at 20:21:16
In reply to I need some help -- trigger, posted by Daisym on February 15, 2006, at 17:57:41
Daisy -
Your therapist is right and I'm so glad you had this conversation. It is your body. No one can tell you what to do with it.I don't know how to tell you to stick up for your "center". It's something I became very good at as a child, to the point of not letting anyone near me. I agree with everyone. It takes practice. Listen to your inside helper --- that little voice that whispers in your ear, "this doesn't feel right". Trust that voice.
My husband and I have had very open discussions regarding sex, and that has been very helpful for both of us --- each knowing what we are comfortable doing with and to each other. Yes, he would like sex more often, but when he backs off, I am more open to his advances. It has taken YEARS to get to this point, and my therapist has helped me have these discussions, and my husband has listened and responded in kind.
If your husband doesn't know that you don't like oral sex, he'll keep asking. Fallsfall is right. He has gotten his way for years, it's your turn.When I got the courage to speak the truth to my husband about "my time" "my space" "my feelings" "my sexuality" --- it took awhile for it to sink in and it's still sinking in. I'm not going to change my mind. This is the way I feel. This is what I want. This is what I need. It's a learning curve. He still gets mad, frustrated, etc. But I'm not apologizing as much. And that feels good. After dinner, if my girlfriends want to go out for a movie, I would say "no" because I had to help the kids with homework and put the kids to bed. No longer. I ask my husband if it's a good night for me to go out, and now, he'll usually say "yes".
Keep working at it. He'll start listening because he NEEDS you.
You are so worth this fight!!
You are so special!!Love, Annie
poster:annierose
thread:609993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/610057.html