Posted by fallsfall on February 15, 2006, at 19:54:42
In reply to I need some help -- trigger, posted by Daisym on February 15, 2006, at 17:57:41
I agree with your therapist.
To keep your center, you may need to be a little angry at your husband. Why does he demand these things from you when he knows you don't want them? Does he know? You may need to practice saying "I want to stay here in the office for a little longer. I'll come and watch TV with you later." "You hurt me. I don't think that you meant to hurt me, but you did, and I need you to figure out a way that doesn't hurt me the next time." "Yes, I'm keeping secrets from you. I know that you want to know what they are, but right now I need to have some things secret." "No, I don't want to have oral sex. I really don't like oral sex. I know you DO like it, but I really don't, so I'm not going to do it".
Practice your answers. And KNOW that you have the right to say these things. Tell yourself over and over that your therapist knows what is right. And Babble knows what is right. And know that you are worth it. You are worth having yourself stick up for yourself. (And you ARE **SO** worth it).
And Poet was right - you won't be able to do it all the time. But you'll get better at it, if you keep practicing.
And your husband won't like it at all. But he's had his way for how many years now? It is your turn.
poster:fallsfall
thread:609993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/610049.html