Posted by daisym on September 28, 2005, at 23:40:02
How do you talk about things you are ashamed of in therapy? It is different from embarrassment, at least for me, because it is usually something I'm choosing, not something being done to me. Does that make sense?
SI activities fall into this category, and while I tell my therapist sometimes that it is happening, I just can't discuss it in any detail at all. It is self-explanatory to me, the reasons for the compulsion.
Today I walked in and told him that my stress level was at a 10 (my husband totaled his car this morning) and I simply could take no more. We went through the whole list of stressors. But it took me most of the session to actually say, "Last night I was actively suicidal." He was visibly upset, and said, "I can't believe you were going to go through another whole session and not tell me this" -- which really made me feel ashamed of myself.
So tonight I'm really depressed and hurting -- and really disgusted and ashamed of myself. But I can't help but ask myself if I am ashamed of being suicidal again, wanting to take the "easy" way out of all of this, or am I ashamed of making my therapist feel bad and worried? Or am I ashamed of not being able to take care of even this by myself?
poster:daisym
thread:560850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/560850.html