Posted by Tamar on October 2, 2005, at 20:22:24
In reply to Re: Shame new trigger - long reply » Tamar, posted by daisym on October 2, 2005, at 19:21:20
> It is hard for me to really believe this. My therapist says that he wants to hear the details, that he needs to hear them...because then I'm not alone with the experience anymore. And everytime I say I've said this before, he says this is the process, going over and over it again and again. He swears he gets something new everytime I tell it. I add in stuff or feel something else. I think I should be done with this part, I want to move away from the story telling. He says "you are where you are" and he always says it can take a long time to get through this stuff. It feels like it is taking too long.
That all makes sense. And yes, it can feel like it's taking a long time. But I think it really does take time. The way it feels when you first talk about it is completely different from the way it feels when you're getting new insights after a few months. I think you need to go through it all with support, no matter how long it takes. I stopped after six months for reasons that weren’t entirely within my control. I know I’ll have to go back at some point because I’m not finished. I’ve learned a lot in the last six months that I’m keen to talk about in therapy, when I eventually get back to it. I sometimes wish things had been different and that I’d been able to continue instead of terminating. It takes as long as it takes. I think it’s pointless to judge progress by the length of time you’ve been in therapy. The important factor is how you’re feeling. And sometimes it feels worse than expected but eventually, after going through almost everything you can imagine and plenty of things you never imagined, things really do feel a bit better.
> I am starting to wonder if I want to protect him from these stories because my feelings for him have changed. If I feel small and young, he seems "big" enough to handle it. But when I don't, I stuff the stories away and don't tell him about the flash backs. I guess I should tell him that.
Yes. You should always tell him about the flashbacks, or tell him why you’re not telling him about the flashbacks (IMHO). He is always going to be big enough to handle it. Even when you feel you’re right next to him in age, experience and professionalism, he’s big enough to handle it.
The less you try to protect him, the more he can help you. Really. When I feel the way you seem to be feeling, I try to make a comparison with my job. Like for example, I think, What if a student came to me and said, “I didn’t ask you for help with the paper because I didn’t want you to think I was stupid.” If a student said that to me I’d tell him or her that I never think students are stupid when they ask questions. It’s the students who don’t ask questions that I worry about.
Am I rambling now? I just mean that in your profession there are probably people who say they didn’t want to bother you, but who you could help if only you knew what the problem was. Isn’t it the same with therapists?
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:560850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/562115.html