Posted by antigua on October 2, 2005, at 6:47:54
In reply to Re: Shame - trigger » Poet, posted by daisym on October 1, 2005, at 20:23:14
But a part of you knows that you can't shut up, that it's coming out for a reason and you want help with it, no matter how hard it is.
I know some people would tell me that maybe it's time to get another T. She is wonderful to me, or at least tries her best, but I still can't let her all the way in. Sigh... I just don't think I am capable of doing that. Except with a man, and that always turns out so inappropriately. I jump to trust based on a fantasy of my good father.
I'm just surrounded by triggers of my good father at the moment. It was his birthday and we did have a good relationship before his death (before I really understood that even the simple things I remembered were csa), but I can't seem to see the "evil" one, the one who did all the damage. Today I feel so hopeless that I will ever get there. It's just not coming out, and as I've said before, there is this huge black hole of something that I don't remember and I trust that when I face it, life will be better.
Sorry to be so blue,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:560850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051001/msgs/561848.html