Posted by cricket on September 30, 2005, at 7:44:44
In reply to Re: Shame - trigger » orchid, posted by daisym on September 30, 2005, at 0:13:23
> ***the SI is about punishment. One side of me is punishing the other side of me for wanting my therapist, for needing support and for being self-centered. The suicidal piece is from the part that is being punished. She is giving up and wants out. And it has gotten to the point that the executive is willing to help her inorder to kill off her memories. There is just this tiny voice, the mom part, that says, "you aren't done, you still have an obligation as a parent." But it is pretty faint tonight.
>
Hi Daisy,I'm sorry to see you feeling so bad.
I really identify with your SI description above. For me it is punishment too. Punishment of any part that needs anybody, that wants to attach to anybody. The problem is that those parts in me are so dormant, perhaps even dead that I haven't SIed in a long time. I used to SI a lot at the beginning of my therapy, back when I had hope.
Luckily my mom part that says "you aren't done" is pretty strong still. My son isn't even in high school yet.But as soon as he gets there, as soon as he is on his own, I have every intention of either killing myself or living on so many drugs that I am a walking zombie.
I wish I had some better advice to give you. I know that the way you've been able to share yourself with your therapist is something incredibly special. It shows what a wonderful, alive human being you are. I hope it can carry you through.
poster:cricket
thread:560850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/561218.html