Posted by noa on January 24, 2004, at 8:40:31
In reply to Re: I called Bubba :( » Karen_kay, posted by Joslynn on January 22, 2004, at 16:54:11
>"It sounds like he is learning by experience where he wants his boundaries, which is something I wish for your sake he would have thought about in grad school. It seems like different therps have different styles, and now he is changing in mid-stream.
"As someone who grew up with the changing rules that are so common in alcoholic families, nothing is more annoying to me than relationships that arbitrarily change midstream! But that's me."
Joslynn--it's not just you! It's me, too! You're right about the changing rules and boundaries. And what's worse is that it all gets blamed on her.
Many of us grew up in families where the rules changed or wobbled or weren't clear until you after you broke them and found out the hard way with pain and suffering. Alcoholic or not. Crazy making families.
And that is one of the reasons why many of us might have difficulty with boundaries one way or another. Why we are in therapy.
I think therapists are supposed to do their best to not repeat this kind of crazy making boundary and rule changing. And to be able to deal with boundary testing, etc. from patients.
And if the rules have to change in a relationship, then the person needs to be totally upfront about it and let the other person know that the rules will be changing and where the boundary will be from now on, and of course to say why--and the why can't be a blaming thing like it's all the other person's fault! Rather than having the rules change all the time without ever acknowledging that they change, which, to me, is the most crazy-making aspect of it all.
poster:noa
thread:304110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/304935.html